its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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