I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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