You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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