Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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