i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
