Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
