I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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