**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize