Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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