Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
