I need help removing her.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
