Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
