I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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