Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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