Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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