At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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