So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize