Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
