areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
