I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
