he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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