did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
