Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
