I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She bit a glass in half.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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