i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize