I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
