Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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