hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fill condoms, not promises.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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