She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
