the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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