watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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