I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
