She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
