he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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