And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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