he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
