You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
