If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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