Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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