Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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