yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
