i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
