i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
