so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
