Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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