that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
