I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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