dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize