I smell stomach acid.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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