Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
