I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
