it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize