great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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