there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
