the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
