I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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