I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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