So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
