she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize