I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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