phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
