can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
