i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
