Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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