So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
