Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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