This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
