When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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