like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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