i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize