The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they're like a gay fantastic four
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
