I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
