just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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