i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
