Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
