the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
