do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
