it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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