Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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