Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
