i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Houston, we have a squirter
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize