Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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