I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
