FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
