I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
