my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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