We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
