I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
