i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
