We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
