All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
