he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
