what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Farmville is her only friend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
