just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
