Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
false alarm, still single
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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