When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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