I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize