Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My ATM looks so different sober.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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