she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize