Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I deserve this hangover.
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