Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize