Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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