I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
