when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
