Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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