I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My life is pants optional.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
