we need to drink 2009 down the drain
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could fuck to npr.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
