It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
