That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
