My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this just has baby written all over it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
