guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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