He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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