He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
