Ambien. No doubt about it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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